Warning: xcache_set() [function.xcache-set]: xcache.var_size is either 0 or too small to enable var data caching in C:\Inetpub\vhosts\bradmcallister.com\httpdocs\wp-content\plugins\w3-total-cache\lib\W3\Cache\Xcache.php on line 40

Warning: xcache_set() [function.xcache-set]: xcache.var_size is either 0 or too small to enable var data caching in C:\Inetpub\vhosts\bradmcallister.com\httpdocs\wp-content\plugins\w3-total-cache\lib\W3\Cache\Xcache.php on line 40

Warning: xcache_set() [function.xcache-set]: xcache.var_size is either 0 or too small to enable var data caching in C:\Inetpub\vhosts\bradmcallister.com\httpdocs\wp-content\plugins\w3-total-cache\lib\W3\Cache\Xcache.php on line 40

We started our usual trip in a new unusual manner on our couple of times a year holiday in macedonia.

Waking up at 5.45 in the morning (nor entirely unusual now we are new parents), our friend Becky was super nice enough to take us and our 100 tonnes of luggage to Heathrow in her 4×4 which made getting to the airport easy, there is no way we could have done it without a car, big thanks to Becky.

putting our luggage where it needed to go in the airport was also quick and straightforward, then the happy bit started, the security check, this with a baby strapped to the front of my 110kg body, 3 bags for handluggage, a folded pushchair, far more complicated than the usual laptop in a rucksack.

Of course the scanner beeped as I walked through with theo sleeping in the baby bjorn so I had to take him off then we got frisked by some bloke who was nice and chatty so not too bad….

Of course some Bitch with a tent wrapped around her head singled us out and took everything out of the changing bag (lots of baby stuff) and went through it bit by bit… Seriously what a Fuckin bitch, of course some essentials that were slightly over the ridiculous 100ml allowance were taken, so we could by them again in the shop that was 3 metres away, thank you very much osama.

I was sweating like he’ll as we prepared to get all our stuff on the plane (last) after quickly scoffing our coffees. The staff on the b.a. Flight to Sofia were really helpful, got to put the pushchair up the back of the cabin and the guy who was in our isle seat moved to the window.

I was expecting 3 hours of crying now but only got 2 minutes of it… Pretty much all of the flight Theo slept.. I squeezed my elbows together as if I were disabled so I could eat as much of the greasy slop that b.a. Had provided for breakfast, the rest was pretty much plain sailing ..

Got changed as soon as we got off the plane, fixed up the buggy and off we went to collect the suitcases, not the normal “are they ever going to come” wait, by then the conveyor had stopped and they were waiting for us.

Now we are in the taxi for our 3 hour drive across bulgaria and up the ear popping mountain border to macedonia to natasas parents who have no idea we are bringing their new grandson to see them :)

Our usual taxi driver stops off half way and treats us to some grilled chicken, salad, and tasty beer and now the booze is flowing it’s the start of enjoying some fine east european drink, macedonian red wine is definitely in need of getting around more and increasing awareness so more people can enjoy such varieties as “tia za jug”.

The taxi ride was a couple of hours until the circus routine at the border between bulgaria and macedonia where our taxi driver must suck up to some “officials” who act in a rather dopey manner. To our surprise as three passengers with british passports this time we have to get “examined” by a doctor at this mountain border.

This turns our to be a bloke seeing if we have a fever etc and puzzles me for a minute until I work out this has something to do with keeping swine flu out of the country then the penny drops and I understand the need.

We then cruise down the macedonia side to the town to surprise the socks off natasas parents which we certainly did.

Warning: xcache_set() [function.xcache-set]: xcache.var_size is either 0 or too small to enable var data caching in C:\Inetpub\vhosts\bradmcallister.com\httpdocs\wp-content\plugins\w3-total-cache\lib\W3\Cache\Xcache.php on line 40

Warning: xcache_set() [function.xcache-set]: xcache.var_size is either 0 or too small to enable var data caching in C:\Inetpub\vhosts\bradmcallister.com\httpdocs\wp-content\plugins\w3-total-cache\lib\W3\Cache\Xcache.php on line 40

Warning: xcache_set() [function.xcache-set]: xcache.var_size is either 0 or too small to enable var data caching in C:\Inetpub\vhosts\bradmcallister.com\httpdocs\wp-content\plugins\w3-total-cache\lib\W3\Cache\Xcache.php on line 40

Today we thought we would give the Eurotunnel a go, booked our tickets through tesco clubcard – ready for a weekend driving our own car somewhere in france for a bit of shopping and some time a la foreign.

So I have done more than my fair share of homework on what the requirements are to take your perfectly road legal UK car over to another part of the European Community. So to drive there you need your Car registration, Insurance, A “green card”, your driving licence, an emergency triangle, a yellow reflective jacket (HAS to be in the glove compartment), and to screw around with your headlights to avoid offending the timid French drivers.

I have been driving in America, Germany, Macedonia, Malaysia, and here – so plenty of driving on the other side of the road experience so that was not going to be a problem. We got ready and left at 8am from west London I blasted all the way to folkestone as the tomtom satnav was convinced it would take almost two hours to get there for our “check in before 10am” deadline before we catch our 10:30am train reservation.

It’s 9.20 and suddenly we are there, confronted by “tool booth ahead” signs, I’m wondering what the fuck? not even in France yet. But this is the part where you “check in” with your reservation number and get a large ticket with a letter on it that you hang from your rear view mirror. The machine regrets to announce that it cannot give us our 10:30am train and can only offer us a place on the 10:35am so I wonder what the fuck – who cares it’s 5 minutes. OK so now we are in and it’s time to get some breakfast; while downing our £10 of greasy service station slop we hear an announcement asking people with letter O please go to border control now. As we have letter P we presume it fine to wait a while as it’s not even 10am yet.

We take a walk around to kill 10 minutes and realise no more announcements have been made so off to the car we go through the police bit to confirm that are not crooks, then wave our red passports at another french bloke, only to find there is a single file queue of cars there at 10:20am and it’s going nowhere – there are about 50 cars in the queue and it’s our first time on this thing so we are amazed if they can get everyone on this train within 15 minutes.

In the distance we see cars that have left the start of the queue going backwards.. second “WTF?” moment of the day. So we have been on Eurotunnel property for over an hour now and are absolutely nowhere, the selling point of the Eurotunnel being that you can be in France in around half an hour.

So a pickup truck comes racing along and we think that’s the answer, another 10 mins and we are at the start of the queue and told to go to lane 9 (there are about 12 lanes where you wait.. again..). It’s now 10:55am and we realise this morning is’nt going quite to plan – I have been wanting to take my own car out of the UK just for the fun of it for years now so I’m getting a little disappointed.

Finally shit starts to happen, lanes 1-5 go off one after the other, then 7, then 6… then 8… then 10, 11, 12, 13.. well half way through 13, then the rest go off…..

Lane 9 cars are all still there, and we hear an announcement finally saying that they ” regret to announce for cars with P and Q tags that the 10:35 train is now full and we are being given priority place on the next train at 13:40, so we all get out and go off to the dozy prick standing at the barrier to give him a piece of our mind – he of course hasn’t got two braincells to rub together and asks everyone to go back to their cars and wait for him to give out some vouchers..

As we go back someone else says this guys vouchers are only for a cup of tea… fucking rediculous episode this is turning into. As I get back to our car around 15th in line I realise this asshole is going to take an hour to get to us and as our weekend in France is basically fucked now because our “30 minute trip to france by train” is  now a fucking 5 hour trip to France by train and we could have gone to Paris by plane and back by now and spending a quarter of your daytrip travelling is pointless. So I walked back up to him and asked where I could go to get a refund as I didn’t fancy waiting wasting another hour of the weekend. Last week was was hell of a stressful one banging my head on a wall again at work followed by a very informative antenatal class all day friday.

I pull the car out and wait in a separate line to go to the customer services for a refund, we wait there.. so I get out and ask dipshit how much longer we have to wait given we now are not interested in Eurotunnel anymore – by the time I get to him the barrier is up, when I am back in the car (third in line) the barrier is down and we wait AGAIN… seriously who the fuck is running this place?, so I stick the car in reverse and race back to this monkey to tell him to radio it in to be raised again… and we wait…. yes… even more waiting..

Then a nice guy comes and waits to escort us on the other side of the barrier back to customer services, they say they will refund this “back to our card”, so I asked him “what card?”.. he actually looks at the screen to see we paid for Eurostar with Tesco clubcard tokens and that we would get a refund that way…. I ask him for a receipt to tha effect rather than just leaving without documentation, and we go to wait for nice bloke to escort us all off the property… so you leave through the staff exit and head straight down this road.. which turns left… into a roundabout… that takes you all the way back to where you started then spits you out on the motorway…

And that was our weekened in France… thinking about taking Eurotunnel to take your car to the continent?, don’t waste your time with them, try a ferry instead.