A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub…

She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. Are you the manager she
asked softly stroking his face with both hands?

Actually, no, he replied.

Can you u get him for me? I need to speak to him, she said, running
her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t, breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can
do?

Yes. I need for you to give him a message, she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartenders lips and slyly popping a couple of
her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

What should I tell him? The bartender managed to say.

Tell him, she whispered, there’s no toilet paper, hand soap,or paper towels
in the ladies room.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers and says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers and I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder and asks if his bet still good. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? The Irishman replies, Oh, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.

Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.

The next day, one woman’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said,
‘These damn girls’ night out have got to stop. I’m starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties.’
‘You think that’s bad’ said the other husband, ‘Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her ass that says: ‘From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you.’